I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
