So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
