Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
