Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Randomize
