Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
