I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
Randomize
