He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I wear drunk well.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Randomize
