yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
