theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
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