Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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