I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
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