even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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