you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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