i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
