DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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