I wish I could punch you in the face.
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
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