nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
