I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
