Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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