it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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