when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
