Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
