At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
Randomize
