Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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