Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
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