If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize