He is an equal opportunity slut.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
