and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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