Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
