I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
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