Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize