apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
