Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
Thank you for not boning my boss.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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