Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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