once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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