He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
