there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Randomize
