:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
