I feel like I'm in dance class right now
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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