I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
