She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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