You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
birth control should be required to get into college
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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