ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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