Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
