Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
