Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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