I think scott just propositioned me for sex
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
i need some magic done to my vagina
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize