U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Randomize
