she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
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