Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
