Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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