dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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