shes about as inviting as chlamydia
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
