I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
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