I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Randomize
