I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
