pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
