girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Randomize
