Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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