my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
