I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
