i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
