I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize
