Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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