One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize