I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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