Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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