Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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