I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
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