I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Two words: nipple clamps
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