Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
