so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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